Texting With Friends
by DittyWrites
Summary: A Gotham Rogues online group chat? Insults and shenanigans are afoot.


13:41

PrinceOfPuzzles: Riddle me this? What is mildly dehydrated, shaky on its feet and needs a little help recalling what exactly happened last night?

13:45

PrinceOfPuzzles: ?

13:59

PrinceOfPuzzles: Answer! It's me! Is anyone else here?

PrinceOfPuzzles: I will never host another social event in my lair if I do not receive an answer from you fools.

PrinceOfPuzzles: Don't ignore me.

14:00

FloraQueen: Oh my god, stop sending notifications! Literally no one here cares about your riddles and some of us are trying to sleep. Drop dead, Nygma.

14:01

PrinceOfPuzzles: I see your nasty attitude does not improve any when you are hungover. Plus, I was not even talking to you, Pamela. I was talking to the other adults.

Xx_QueenHarley_xX: *added ClownPrinceOfCrime to the chat*

FloraQueen: *removed ClownPrinceOfCrime from the chat*

FloraQueen: Stop trying to add him, Harls. We all have him blocked.

14:02

Xx_QueenHarley_xX: Really, Red? -pouts- I know ya don't really get on but he's still a bad guy! We should let him into the bad guy group chat!

PrinceOfPuzzles: There is only room for one 'prince' in this chat. Me.

14:03

LegalEagle: Ivy and Harley already share the same title, so we already have two queens. How is that fair?

14:03

FloraQueen: Nice to see you're still alive, Dent. The last I saw, you were trying to hail a cab in the abandoned subway after downing what was left of the vodka. Also, we have three queens in this chat if we include the leprechaun.

14:04

PrinceofPuzzles: Very droll, Pamela.

14:05

Xx_QueenHarley_xX: Red stop being mean to Eddie! You know he doesn't like it :) xx

14:06

FloraQueen: I could not care less, hun. He's the worst. And, Eddie, I do not get hungover. My body isn't like your pathetic meatbag and metabolises alcohol far quicker. I only drink to look sociable and to blend in.

14:07

Pu$$ycat: Lucky bitch. I feel like someone used my diamond-tipped gloves to claw a hole in my head. I also lost a shoe. Hey, do you have it Ivy?

MasterOfFear1: I think you will find that I have it.

Pu$$ycat: Why do you have my shoe? And why do you have a number after your name? It's tacky looking.

MasterOfFear1: I have it because you attempted to stab me with the heel when I recommended that you may have had enough to drink. You then snatched a bottle of wine from my hands.

14:08

MasterOfFear1: And my username possesses a '1' because the name 'MasterOfFear' was already taken.

Pu$$ycat: Ahahaha! First of all, that serves you right. Standing between me and my alcohol is a dangerous place to be. Second, the fact that you can't even get a good username is too funny!

PrinceOfPuzzles: -AHEM!- Can we get back to my original inquiry please? My bed has glitter in it for reasons I don't recall and I am asking for an explanation.

14:10

MasterOfFear1: That was Freeze.

PrinceOfPuzzles: Wait, what? Why would Freeze have glitter in my lair to begin with? And why was he in my bed?

14:11

PrinceOfPuzzles: Hello? Am I talking into the void here? Someone answer me dammit! Why was Freeze in my bed?

Winter74: I was having a friendly competition with Pamela and when I lost I was required to place copious amounts of glitter in your bed as a punishment. I believe she wanted to irritate you.

LegalEagle: Freeze, why do you have 74 in your name when you were born in the late 60's?

Winter74: Nora was born in 74.

14:31

MasterOfFear1: Moving on from that awkward silence. I can hardly see Ivy asking you to do anything as immature as that, Victor. Such childishness is beneath her.

14:32

Xx_QueenHarley_xX: Hey! Lay off my girlfriend ya big loon! Pammy likes to have a little fun now and then ;)

FloraQueen: Yeah. Back off, Crane. I can do without your sarcasm. When what I do is any part of your business, i'll be sure to let you know! I'm not gonna sit here and take insults from the human rake.

14:33

Pu$$ycat: Freeze, you still here? I think Crane needs your freeze gun to deal with that BURN!

PrinceOfPuzzles: I am ashamed to admit that I smiled at that. Nice one, Lina.

14:35

MasterOfFear1: Does anyone want to explain to Edward what he did just before passing out in his glitter bed? Should we enlighten him?

PrinceOfPuzzles: What are you talking about?

PrinceOfPuzzles: Hello?

PrinceOfPuzzles: ...

PrinceOfPuzzles: Harley, you are the least able to keep a secret! What is Crane talking about?

14:39

Xx_QueenHarley_xX: I dunno, Eddie, but I think he's talking about you sending that message to Batsy.

14:40

PrinceOfPuzzles: WHAT?! WHAT MESSAGE?

Xx_QueenHarley_xX: Yeah! Just as we were leaving Dr Crane talked ya into sending Batsy your address so he could come and join the party for a bit. You were pretty wasted Mistah E so it only took about five minutes for ya to actually do it. Dr Crane is a really persuasive guy 3 xx

PrinceOfPuzzles: WHAT!?

14:41

MasterOfFear1: Burn.

Pu$$ycat: Crane...that's not...that's not what 'burn' means.

PrinceOfPuzzles: THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR A LINGUSTICS LESSON, SELINA! YOU FOOLS PLIED ME WITH ALCOHOL AND FORCED ME TO COMPROMISE THE INTEGRITY OF MY CURRENT LAIR IN A FOOLISH PRANK! I SWEAR THERE WILL BE RETRIBUTION FOR THIS! FOR ALL I KNOW THE BAT COULD BE ON HIS WA

14:50

Xx_QueenHarley_xX: Uhh, Mistah E? Ya there? Did ya fall asleep?

*PrinceOfPuzzles changed his name to IAmTheKnight*

IAmTheKnight: I'm here.

Xx_QueenHarley_xX: Umm...guys? Is that Bat-brains?

FloraQueen: *has left the chat*

Xx_QueenHarley_xX: *has left the chat*

LegalEagle: *has left the chat*

MasterOfFear1: *has left the chat*

Winter74: *has left the chat*

19:51

Pu$$ycat: Hello handsome! Since everyone else is gone and I have your attention, how do you feel about buying this kitty a new pair of Jimmy Choo heels since Dr Crane has borrowed one of mine? If you transfer the money to my account I am more than happy to choose them myself x

IAmTheKnight: *has left the chat*

Pu$$ycat: Heh, worth a try...


End file.
